Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
