I think my fart just growled at me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
