Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
