If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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