I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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