Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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