big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
