I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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