I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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