Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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