It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
