low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
