I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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