K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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