i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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