You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
