FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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