I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
