Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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