so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A bitchslap is in order.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
