do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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