I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
