Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
