I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
