I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
