I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i've created a new STD.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize