Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
