Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
