I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
