I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
