Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
