I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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