it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
True strength comes from lack of pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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