I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
