I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize