U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
