i barfeds in our rink
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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