I got chris browned last night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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