you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
