I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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