Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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