We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
