i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
