does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
