new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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