your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
