He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
