I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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