Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Couch. On fire.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
