So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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