So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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