I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
