I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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