I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
