she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
