My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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