Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
