i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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