Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
