u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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