I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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