they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
