I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
