I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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