I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
