true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
