you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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