Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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