The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
