LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
