Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
